Call Me Under These Darkening Skies
by Safe.Place.To.Read
Summary: "Spencer..." He says her name in the way only he could ever, and for a moment things are the way they used to be. "Just take a breath. It's okay. I'm alive." There's a dried tear-path on Spencer's cheek, in which she chooses to ignore. She wonders for a second how she could've possibly let him go. But then she remembers; that's that. [Toby comforts Spencer after a nightmare. 6b.]


**I'm definitely considering making a second part to this, but I just couldn't figure out if it would be better on its own or with more of a solution at the end. This isn't too long but it's also not the shortest thing I've ever written, so I hope you all like it because I still worked really hard on it :) I also hope you're all doing okay and are holding on while the writers try and make Spaleb happen, because we all know that can't last forever and that Spencer and Toby will eventually find their way back to each other. I can't even express how much it sucks, but just be strong you guys! I can't help but hope it will be worth it. I feel like the reunion will be great.**

 **Anyways, I miss hearing from you all and I just hope all is well by you guys! Please leave a review and let me know what you think... Should I try and make another part to this, or just leave it be as it is? Okay, I love you all! Hope to hear from you :)**

* * *

 _Ring._ She shouldn't be doing this.

 _Ring._ Her heart is beating fast.

 _Ring._ She doesn't know why she decided this would be the best thing, but she's following her gut, and that's all she's really counting on right now. There's no logic; just her heart.

 _Ring._ She has no idea what she's doing. He's probably sleeping. What is she doing? She should just put on a movie or something. Why did she think this was the best way to handle the situation?

 _No ring. No voice mail either._ She suddenly hears a groggy voice from the other line, and she knows this is it.

"Spencer?"

But she doesn't reply. She succeeds in holding back her words, but not her sniffles. Her palm reaches up and wipes her stowaway tears, as she tries to pull herself together. But his voice only makes her break down more. She mentally curses herself.

"Spencer, are you okay? What's wrong?"

She sniffles once more, and by now she's at the point where she's full out crying. She wishes she weren't, but there's no holding back her pain. Mental images of the nightmare she'd just had come rushing back. She blinks to try and clear out the blood she saw on his hand, the wound she saw on his side. His still-body lying on the floor of the woods. She'd been trying to get the picture out of her head since the moment she woke up—almost to the point of drowning in her own tears—but it was of no use then, and it's of no use now.

She didn't know how to get that voice out of her head, the one that told her _He's dead. He really is._ The only thing she could think of to stop her lingering anguish was to call him. To hear his voice. At the very least, even if he didn't answer, she could hear his voicemail. Either way, she just needed to be reminded that he was okay. It's 3:30 AM and she's probably crossing many boundaries, but she could feel herself slowly falling out of herself with every staggered and tear-soaked breath.

"Yeah," she says finally. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called..." Her voice is weak. Much weaker than it's been in a while.

"No, you're obviously upset," Toby whispers back. He sounds worried, and it's at this point Spencer realizes his instinct to protect her never fully went away. The two of them had just spoken of this not long ago: old habits really do die hard. "Why are you crying, Spencer? What's wrong?"

She takes a breath, trying to compose herself. "I just... I had a nightmare. One of the ones I used to have when... When I thought you were dead. I just relived it a million times over in my head, and I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. I just, I needed to hear your voice. I'm sorry. It's nothing. It's dumb, is what it is."

"Spencer..." He says her name in the way only he could ever, and for a moment things are the way they used to be. "Just take a breath. It's okay. I'm alive."

She does as he says, and for some reason it works. He doesn't say anything else to try and soothe her like he would have in the past, when they were dating, but she wasn't expecting anything like that. It may have felt like things were the same for a moment, but she knows truly that everything is so much different now. But even still, she feels comforted. She feels better with the words he breathes into her ear.

Spencer wipes a stray tear, and takes another shaky breath. But it all feels better now, and she's grateful. "I know... I don't know what happened. I haven't had nightmares like that for a while. I didn't know what else to do so I called without really thinking about it. I'm sorry to wake you up, and if I crossed a line—you being with Yvonne and me being... I don't know. I'm just sorry."

She's sure he noticed the almost-slip-up about Caleb. But for some reason, in this moment, none of their present issues seem to matter. What matters right now is the past.

"It's okay," Toby assures her. "I don't mind. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I think I'm all talked-out at this point. There's not really much to say... It's over-with. Sometimes my subconscious just gets all hung up on the past. At 3 AM, it's hard to decipher what's real and what's not. I just needed a reality check," she says.

"I get it," he tells her. "I just... I need you to know that I'm sorry too. For ever giving you something to have nightmares about."

Spencer shakes her head. "Honestly, it's all good. It was almost six years ago. Like I said, I don't know why tonight this came out of the blue. I'm okay."

There's a dried tear-path on her cheek, in which she chooses to ignore.

"No, I hurt you. I did. It was so messed up what I did. It doesn't matter if I had good intentions or not; I really messed up. It shouldn't have come to that. And now, you're still paying the price."

"I was heartbroken," she says with a twisted laugh. "But I'm over it, you know?"

"Look," he begins. "I'm not one to talk about heartbreak. I know how terribly I handle things when I'm upset. But we never addressed it with us; not really. We talked a little at the Motel and then never brought it up again... What I did to you. How badly I hurt you. And I think about it all the time, but I really think we should have talked it through more. I feel like that would've made things so much better between us, and helped you get past it all a lot easier."

Spencer stares at the wall for a while, taking in his words. She's mesmerized at the static regret and pain she hears in his voice. Eventually, she musters a reply.

"At the time, I didn't care about me. All I cared about was the fact that you were alive, and everything we had wasn't just a lie," she tells him. "I honestly didn't think twice about forgiving you and moving past it. My mentality was that life is too short." She pauses for a second, lost in the intensity of her own thoughts.

"But some time went by," she continues, "And the nightmares I had at first came back. The ghost of that time without you clouded my sleep, and it got harder and harder to try and push it all to the back of my mind. But I did, every day. And I still do. It was a lot harder then because it was still so fresh, but I was honestly fine with it. I still felt so blessed that you were alive... Every day, I repressed the memories of what happened because I never wanted anything to take away from the fact that you were alive. I still had nightmares, but it was okay. You were breathing."

Toby shakes his head despite the fact she can't see him. "You shouldn't have had to repress anything in the first place. I shouldn't have hurt you as bad as I did. Look, like I said, I think about it a lot. More than I probably should especially now that you're back. I wish that I didn't, but I do. And I've come to the conclusion that you should have been rightfully _pissed_ at me. After all that I put you through, all I guess I still sometimes put you through with these nightmares, you had every right to cuss me out. Or yell at me. Or throw your hairbrush at me. Something. I wouldn't hold it against you if you wanted to take me up on that offer now. No apology could make up or take back the pain you went through because of me. But I still am; I'm still so sorry."

"It's okay," she whispers. "Really, it is. I guess it's true what they say: time does heal all wounds."

"But how can your wounds be healed if you're still having nightmares? Spencer, I mean it. You should be pissed at me. Your PTSD would be a lot less or maybe nonexistent if it weren't for me."

"No, I would definitely still have PTSD. This night, yeah it had a lot to do with your decision before the decoy was planted. But you didn't have a say, really. Mona was the one behind what happened..." She stops herself before they go deeper into the conversation, to the point of rehashing every little thing that went down. She's not interested in that. Not now. "Listen, I didn't call you to make you feel bad. I swear, I just needed to hear your voice and then I was going to hang up."

Toby sighs. "I know. And it's fine. Honestly, I think this is a good thing... I just wish you weren't suffering like this."

"I'm not suffering. I just... I still get caught up in the past, even though I wish I didn't. Thank you for listening to me, and being here. I'm sorry again if I crossed any boundaries." Spencer's voice is softer than usual.

"No boundaries crossed, Spence," Toby tells her. "I mean it. If you ever need anything... To talk, to cry, I don't know. Anything. I'm here. I made a mess and I'll literally spend the rest of my life trying to pick it up. It doesn't matter who I'm with or what I'm doing, I hurt you and I never meant to. So I'll be here."

Spencer's heart stops. How had she ever let him go? She opens her mouth to say something borderline cheesy, but stops herself when she remembers why she had to let him go. Why they realized they weren't right for each other anymore. Reality stops her, so she settles for a simple, "Thank you. I really mean that."

"Of course."

And that's that. They say their quick and cordial goodbyes, and hang up.

They both lie awake the rest of the night.


End file.
